What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 15:12
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was very sick at this time too.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why are women attracted to ugly guys?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why aren't F1 cars popular on the street?
What did i know ?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.
Red Dead Redemption 2's PS5 Version Could Be Announced Next Week - Push Square
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I could never make a relationship work though!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do I feel like I want to suck a big dick after injecting meth?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was 9 years of age.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What are some tips for a girl with low self-esteem to start dating?
But it wasn’t much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Where did Noah build the Ark? Was it in a desert or near water?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I write beautiful poetry .
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was scared of men, in general
Did Meghan Markle Use Her College boyfriend For Star Power?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Have you ever had sex with your female cousin? How did it start?
She found it foreign!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She loved him until the end.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im still living with it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Put me off passion for life!!
She married twice! .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I think the readers, may guess!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Why did i forgive my father ?
My family never makes their pension either.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We all went to grammer schools
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We were not on the streets..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Especially a lifetime of it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Ive learnt so much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I said to her
So, i spoilt her more .
Comes on , in middle age.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One cannot live in the past .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I have no regrets .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He knew the spot.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So whats the point in blame.
It was going to be , some day.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I don,t even have a pension.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i lived it daily.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I will be 64.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My life is so biszare .
I was seconnd youngest,
I waited trembling.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Who then, do I blame.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Would this be the day?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
All the time i was locked up.
I never cut or harmed myself..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But, we were locked up after school.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .